this is a long story. if it bores you, don't feel obligated to keep reading nor give advice...

january 2008 i met this guy. we hit it off instantly. it almost seemed like it was too good to be true (for both of us). at the time, i had never been involved with a capricorn and wasn't very familiar with their character traits and needs (which i'm now much more aware of), and if i had known then i might have approached the relationship from a different perspective. too late for that now...

we spent 2 quick but great months together then about as quickly as it ignited it ended. we went out of town to meet his family (which was the easiest family meet and greet ever and they seemed to really like me) then the next day it ended. there was no real tanglible reason for the breakup, except that he said he wasn't sure how he felt about me. until a week prior nothing, everything seemed great, but then he suddenly started pulling back right before going to meet the family. after he was saying these things to me, he kept apologizing, saying how he had never met a woman like me who respected him the way i did, that he wanted us to still be friends, etc. something about him made me strong and i held my head high and told him that he had to do what he needed, so it ended.

3 weeks later, we run into each other at a local wine bar. he's the type of man who always knows exactly what to say and how to say, and as soon as he saw me, looked like a deer in headlights and could hardly say anything. a few days later he called. the next week we met up for a drink, and there we sat with the same ease we had always had together. he tried to bring up the breakup but it was too fresh for me to talk about. i said the only thing i needed to say about that subject, pointing out to him that there we sat across from each other, not in a relationship and that there was something still there. he looked at me, shook his head and told me i was right. after a couple of hours we hugged, said goodnight and parted ways. over the course of the summer we met up for drinks two or three other times. he stated to me more than once how he had never been friends with someone after dating them and that our time together was cool because of this. each time we met up, there was no lack in conversation and we were so natural and easy together. so much so that suring one of our meetups, our server apologized for being seemingly negligent but said we seemed to into our conversation that she didn't want to interupt nor bother us.

then there was an episode in august. i had gone blueberry picking and had too many to eat on my own. i asked if wanted some then left some at his door. a couple days later i texted to see if he wanted to catch a movie with me and i got no response (which in hind-sight, i know i probably shouldn't have done). the next time we talked on the phone he said that he felt like i was wanting to get back together and that that wasn't what he needed at the time. i was somewhat offended at his statement and told him that i was there to be his friend but that it was his responsibility to believe my sincerity. after saying that i told him i thought it would be best for me to step away and if he ever decided he was ready to accept my friendship to call. he's determined when he puts his mind to something, like most caps, and i honestly thought that was the last of it with him.

3 weeks later, he calls, telling me he wants my friendship. i was hesitant but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. a few weeks later i went to his studio (he's an artist) to see his new work, which he was wanting me to see (he knows that i get him as a person and as an artist and that i am one to encourage him when things might be hard). when i got to his place, i was prepared with my guard up but as my time with him passed, it was still so apparent that there was something still there. we weren't even standing near each other since he was by his paintings and i was looking from a distance to give feedback and i could just feel the way he was looking at me. i didn't want to over stay my visit, so i told him i needed to go, he continued conversing and offered me a beer (which i declined), so we chatted for a bit more but i was very conscious about not overstaying my visit. he walked me out and told him he wanted us to spend more time together.

here was my problem. he always said things like that and i felt like he wasn't very good about following through with the things he said. i tried to not let it bother me because i felt like the chemistry when we were together was more telling then when he followed through with calling or making some attempt to hang out. and in all honesty, i was still attached. i did still care. i did want more, but i was always too respecting, compassionate and understanding of his needs that i never tried to put that energy out. but i did hit a breaking point right before thanksgiving. i was tired of being frustrated and i was tired of still caring for him, so i told him i needed go my separate way. being the gentleman that he is, he got it and respected me in return. this was last novemember.

a couple months later (end of january 2009) i sent him a voicemail telling him that our time apart had been good for me and asked for his friendship back if he was willing and open to it. i didn't know it at the time, but he had just moved back home (not far, just about an hour), and i never heard anything from him.

then 3 or so weeks ago i sent him a text, telling him that the past was water under the bridge (which i sincerely felt was my truth) and that i hoped we could be friends someday. for some reason there were lots of things popping up in my life that were reminding me of him and my intutition was telling me that there have been some frustrations in his life, so i sent the text. since i never got a response from the january vmail, i didn't think i'd hear anything back. well, on wednesday of this past week he called. i was having coffee with a friend and didn't hear the phone ring. then when i saw it, i was in such shock and my heart started pounding. he said he was pleasantly surprised to see my text from the couple of weeks prior and that he would enjoy catching up and seeing howing my life was going. a couple days later i called back and had to leave him a vmail. that was friday. we haven't touched base yet but we will. and as much as i thought i was over him, the feelings are coming back to me.

i know that caps are slow to adjust to things, particularly love and relationship. i think initially the relationshp was too much too fast for him and he pulled the reigns, which i got. but one thing i can tell you is that he trusted me more than most. he was always comfortable being open about his life, his dreams, his failures, etc. i don't want to read into anything. i tell myself i'm too old and too sophisticated for that but sometimes it's hard since i am a female. i know that if he didn't care on some level (which doesn't mean it's more than friendship, i know) he wouldn't have reached back. i guess a part of me feels like things were never buried because they were left on the most amiable and respectful terms.

so if anyone has managed to make it through my verbose story and has any words of advice or encouragement, i would be ever so grateful.